Monday, November 15, 2010

How To Handle the TSA... WARNING: This Stinks

Did you know that TSA officially means Touchers of Sensitive Areas?  A man going through airport security recently recorded on his video cellphone the latest in the land of hope and change.  Smartly this fellow refuses the radiation soaked body scan but agrees to a pat down with the warning for the agent regarding "his junk".  From that, the guy not only is detained, not allowed to fly but is fined $10,000.

So our government protects the right of screaming nutcases to humiliate and scorn the families of fallen soldiers at military funerals but a guy going through airport security is not allowed to warn a stranger about touching his "junk". 

Under Bush, I had some real questions about the overstepping of bounds present in the Patriot Act but nothing came close to the frontal assault the Obama Administration is waging against citizens of the United States under the guise of Homeland Security. 

Who exactly is our enemy?  A better question might be, who is Obama waging war on?  He is being chewed up and spit out by governments around the globe and all he can say is "thank you sir, may I have another?"  Yet our spineless Leader treats his own people with the respect and dignity of a red-headed step child. 

The questionably safe and obviously invasive measures being meted out at our airports and even some train terminals is less about keeping us protected and more about keeping us in line.  Apparently Obama is fine with having children's genitals felt up by some $8 an hour cretin but heaven forbid we take measures to weed out the REAL perpetrators.

We all know that the threats are coming from people who are Islamist terrorists.  We've been told we can't just check all people who look middle eastern because not all terrorists are middle eastern, besides, that's profiling and that would be...smart.  Fine, but all terrorists targeting the West are followers of Islam. 

Here's where I get crazy.  Instead of using radiation spewing machines, the twisting of breasts and grabbing of groins, lets simply have a pig skin at each checkpoint.  No matter what you look like, if you are an Islamist terrorist, you WILL NOT touch a pig skin, so help you Allah.

I know, but good muslims will not touch the pigskin either.  That's bigoted  No, it's the most efficient way to narrow down who is a REAL threat.  Though most muslims aren't terrorists, all terrorists are muslim.  This wouldn't be happening if Islam wasn't a religion of peace, a peace that can only be fulfilled when all infidels have been converted or exterminated.

Besides, which is worse?  Having an elderly woman felt up, a toddler's genitals searched, a 30 year-old white male's "junk" handled by another male unwillingly or a muslim asked to touch a pigskin?  Of course, Obama is much more worried about what muslims around the world think of him than what his own citizenry thinks of him.  We, he can bully but Saudi Kings get a big old bow.

The worst aspect to all of this...people are saying they simply will stop travelling.  I am afraid, this is the real goal.  Like the old Soviet Union, the government prohibited free movement of its citizens.  Obama can't be so bold yet but he can scare us into self-imposed imprisonment.  It's much easier to control a populace that doesn't go anywhere.  If travel declines, the airlines go under and yes, the government can take total control of those too.  Now we're talking!

Is Obama that calculating and Marxist?  I hope not.  He is however, much more eager to please those who want to weaken our country than effectively protect the American people who want to strengthen our country.  So, should people travel and be subjected to unhealthy levels of radiation or sexually invasive pat downs by government goons or should Americans stay at home, hurt the airline industry and further weaken the economy?

I think the answer is to go French.  You heard me.  If you know you're going to have to travel, stop bathing for several days prior.  Achieve your ripest stench you yourself can endure and then go for it!  Opt for that personal pat down. 

My neighbor (a frequent business traveler) has reported great success with yet another form of offensive bodily odor which he has personally employed during recent security checks.  Regardless of the method, if the TSA agent is going to feel you up, do your level best to make sure you disgust them with every poke and prod.

Then, when the rest of the world tells us we stink, at least they'll finally be right!

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